Last year I was in a car accident and got whiplash. I was in tons of pain. I also had a bunch of indie novellas to finish under another pen name, which was incredibly difficult when sitting in a chair and typing seemed to aggravate my whiplash.
Out of concern for my suffering (and also probably sick of hearing me whine), my boyfriend suggested I try an herbal medication. So I ate a quarter of a brownie (it did nothing), then half of it (still nothing), then finally the whole thing. I waited for about an hour after that and didn’t feel like it had an effect, so popped one of my antihistamines for my allergies–doxylamine succinate, the really powerful one in Nyquil–and tried to write through the pain.
When I got to the point where I began worrying about the gender identity of a wolf in a zoo and wondered if perhaps I should rewrite the entire book in Ojibwe, I knew that something had happened. I spent the next sixteen hours or so happily tripping balls. I also finished the book.
That book? More coherent than this season of Sleepy Hollow.
A big bad warlock pops up, looking for a grimoire so he can travel through time and prevent his own murder of the woman he loved. He’s extra scary because he snorts flower powder to boost his magic. No, seriously. Team Witness must stop him, because his time traveling sounds like it could cause a paradox and destroy their reality. Okay. But our fun little history tidbit this week? The warlock was responsible for kicking off the Salem Witch Trials and Katrina’s grandmother Helena Van Tassel was one of his earliest victims, with Katrina’s mother a witness to all of this. This started in 1692. From Katrina’s headstone in the pilot, we know she was born in 1750.
And here we learn fascinating rules about how witches apparently work in this universe.
1) Katrina’s mother is a child in 1692 when this all starts, not even a toddler. Meaning she was well over sixty when Katrina was born. And since Katia Winter plays the part of Grammy Helena and Katrina states they share blood, she was clearly not adopted.
2) Helena Van Tassel is Katrina’s maternal grandmother. Van Tassel is Katrina’s maiden name. So either Katrina’s mother happened to marry a man who shared her last name–and it’s not exactly Smith common, even in the Netherlands–or witches have been throwing off the patriarchy for a while now and didn’t even give a fuck about pretending to follow social conventions in surnames…when they were still at risk of being killed for being witches.
3) Magic can be boosted by drugs. ARRRRRRRRRRRRGH. NO. Please, no no no no. I was traumatized by Willow’s magic junkie arc. I don’t need to go there again and I’m sure the introduction of this plot point means Katrina is gonna juice at some point.
I can’t even touch the fact the stuff with Irving. I’m going to just firmly stay in denial about it for as long as possible.
I truly loved the first season of this show, but now it feels like it’s being written via madlib.